photos by sneaks

pissed

2008-12-13T17:51:00.000-08:00

fuck this shit. i am fucking sick of last minute changes in this fucking place, once or twice i don't mind, but on a near fucking daily basis? its too much, is it too hard to plan a day or even a few hours ahead of anything? not everyone can fucking get around everywhere at any freaking time they want. all this last minute shit is a fucking waste of time, effort and money, and recently a lot of mine. i've lost count of how many times this happened in the last few days. get organized, fuck last minute changes or cancellations. if any plans that involve me are at a maybe, fuck it, don't bother, i'm tired of disapointement and frustration.

2008-10-02T08:24:00.000-07:00

it's strange, no matter how much i've convinced myself that i'm over it, deep down, when the moments appeared, i got lost. the same way i got lost all those months ago. can't believe the feeling is still there. doesn't change anything though, knowing this. but its good, to know at least, not sure what to do, probably nothing.
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a lot of people have left for UK recently, all the best to all of you, hope we see each other again in the future. Australia goers, there's a uni exhibition at sheraton on the 16th of this month.
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day in, day out, round about the same routines, same mindset, i am in need of something different.
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apparently i am about 7% fat. that has to be some kind of error, i'm sure i'm not lacking that much fat.
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random ramblings~ and

Selamat Hari Raya
forgive me for anything and everything i've done.

later days~

2008-07-19T08:36:00.000-07:00

i would like to say

fuck everything

2008-06-26T09:05:00.000-07:00

what should i do?

tell me please, i'm listening

what am i doing?

2008-06-13T04:02:00.000-07:00

should i wait for you? i don't know anymore. i've been waiting for months, should i have been? i don't know anymore. why did i wait? i don't know anymore...

do you want me to wait? i don't know. should i? i'm probably not going to anymore...unless...

why is it so hard for you to just say 'hello'? i can't even have a regular conversation with you anymore. you always disappear from my life, but never from my thoughts. i try to take any chance i get just to see you, but what do you say? 'we'll see', yet as i write this you're out with other guys. why is it so hard for you to tell me anything? i don't mind whatever you do, but i do want to know, maybe not all the time, but still...

am i angry? am i jealous? am i sad? do i hate you? do i love you?
yes...to everything...

i invited you into my heart, and you told me i was in yours, did you mean it? i did...

i want to talk to you as soon as i can... but i'm guessing you'll just have to see won't you?

15 days..

2008-06-03T08:52:00.000-07:00

'And then he'd ask all these penetrating questions about her...
because he was sincerely,if atypically, interested.

No.

No?

He'd be interested.
But he'd see that there was no way...
he could possibly make her realizethat he was for real.

Well, he could be funny and charming and refreshingly original.

Wouldn't help.

Don't you hate it when that happens?

Not really.
They'd both probably go onto lead the lives they were headed toward.
My guess is they'd do just fine.'

from the movie 'Hitch'.

in other words, try something new, but learn from experience, and never forget who you are, things will turn out better than you think. for a while i forgot.. but i'll carry on with a smile on my face.. just have to be myself =)

later days

18 days left

2008-05-30T07:56:00.000-07:00

18 days left till my final exam of my final year of being a school student. i need to concentrate on this... but i just can't, why can't i motivate myself to do this. why am i trying to find myself instead of study. what a time to go through this. shit. i need to sort myself out.

later days

2008-05-27T08:09:00.000-07:00

keep on going

don't you dare think otherwise

bad timing

2008-05-24T03:54:00.000-07:00

seems like that's still happening. i can't even count the number of times its happened, to stop us. its not going to suddnely stop is it? but i'll go on, let it hurt more, i'll wait, i know it's worth the wait. time heals all wounds right? hopefully. it hurts to breathe, not knowing how long i have to keep waiting. but i'll go on, for you..

later days.

unspoken

2008-05-06T03:12:00.000-07:00

i listen to the same songs over and over, because it reminds me of you. why am i doing this. i know better. but i still can't turn off the music. emotions can be unlocked with music. why do i keep letting loose these emotions. maybe it was never locked away. how to control it. i don't know. whatever helps. i choose not to let happen. no matter how hard i try. i choose not to forget.

pursuit of happiness

2008-04-23T06:22:00.000-07:00

whoever said happiness must be pursued was right. happiness won't come to you, you have to find it, you have to put in the effort, you have to go through the pain, you have to have the desire. but how much can a person endure to try for only a chance at happiness? is that chance really worth all the effort and pain? why do we put ourselves through the torture for a mere chance at happiness?

someone asks 'how do you feel?' we'll just shrug and tell them things are ok, only cause we're too tired to think of how to express ourselves without getting them to worry about you, they have their own lives and stresses to handle, giving yours to them seems selfish at times, therefore pain gets bottled up, waiting for the memories or events to come along and pop the bottle.

to not add to the stress that a person you care for, you tell them lies, and you hold on to the truths, why? cause you don't want to be selfish, you want them to live their lives, you want to move on with your life, but you can't.

caught in a whirlpool of emotions, thoughts, and memories, save me from my own personal hell.

later days~

2008-04-08T03:23:00.000-07:00

i miss you...

the end..

2008-03-30T06:16:00.000-07:00

its the end of march, and it has been more than interesting.. its teh end of holidays, school reopens tomorow, not looking forward to that, and its nearly the end of my schooling life.. woah =\ . coursework, finishing the course, exam preperations, can we all handle it? only a few more weeks to find out. good luck everyone.

probably the end of my blogging days for a long long time, even though it didnt last very long anyways, don't knwo who reads this, don't want to know as well, read read, if not, not,..(did that make sense? meh)

later days~

photos

2008-03-26T02:42:00.001-07:00

a small sample of photos by me, no order or anything, just feel like sharing these. enjoy.

later days~

little things give you away

2008-03-23T03:45:00.000-07:00

Water grey
Through the windows, up the stairs

Chilling rain
Like an ocean everywhere

Don't want to reach for me do you
I mean nothing to you
The little things give you away

And now there will be no mistaking
The levees are breaking

All you've ever wanted
Was someone to truly look up to you

And six feet under water
I
Do

Hope decays
Generations disappear

Washed away
As a nation simply stares

Don't want to reach for me do you
I mean nothing to you
The little things give you away

But there will be no mistaking
The levees are breaking

All you've ever wanted
Was someone to truly look up to you

And six feet under water
I
Do

All you've ever wanted
Was someone to truly look up to you

And six feet under ground now
I
Now I do

Little things give you away
Little things give you away
Little things give you away
Little things give you away
Little things give you away

Little things give you away

All you've ever wanted
Was someone to truly look up to you

Little things give you away

All you've ever wanted
Was someone to truly look up to you

Little things give you away

All you've ever wanted
Was someone to truly look up to you

Little things give you away

All you've ever wanted
Was someone to truly look up to you

Little things give you away

All you've ever wanted
Was someone to truly look up to you

Little things give you away

All you've ever wanted
Was someone to truly look up to you

Little things give you away

later days..

1st day of break

2008-03-15T06:48:00.000-07:00

more than all my kicks
more than all my clothes

more than all my friends

more than all my flows

more than everything

scribe - my lady..

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10,000 b.c. is messed up, interesting to watch, but messed up.

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i laughed hard at a wafer that lost its rigidity from being dipped in hot chocolate, it looked like a limp cream and chocolate colored pizza.

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i nearly got trapped by screens at the mall. it started with a low-pitched siren, i look around being confused, and i see screens decending from the ceiling, nearly getting trapped on an escalator is funny but not something i want to go through, had to run and duck through the screens before they made it to the ground.

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overstuffed with chocolate, i feel fat and sugar crashed.

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lost count on how many times i visited teh car exhibition, each time with good reason though.

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interesting day..

later days~

feels like a knife

2008-03-13T02:44:00.000-07:00

first ever jis house dancing competition. we've been practicing for who knows how long, we gave it our all, red house you guys rock. fuck the judges, fuck what they said, we all know we should've won, we were the best dance, we had the most variety, we put in the most effort, we had the biggest drive, and now, we're the most devestated. iman, ying, thank you guys for pushing us a lot, and we're as hurt as you are for not coming on top. everyone knows we should've won that, so fuck the judges, they were just horny and looking for sluts. that other house screwed up shit loads of times, we were more co-ordinated than them, they were NOT fucking original, the judges were fucking blind and biased, sucks the trophy has to come from them and not the crowd. i say the judges were fucking biased, 1) one of the dancer's in that other house is a kiss-ass to the judge, 2) one of the judges had a daughter in that other house, 3) all the judges were from studio scene, where a shit load has been going on, bringing the past into judging is fucking unfair. so fuck you judges, you were blind.

later days..

work

2008-03-10T04:41:00.000-07:00

school went by pretty fast today, i think. spent some time singing 'stand by me' for some reason with my friends haha. over and over again, we need to learn more parts to the song eventually. continuing my rant on computing from yesterday, the teacher helped me through out the lesson today, till the bell rang, where he basically just picked up his books and ran off to the canteen, =.= fuck. and he's always going on about just ask him or the other teacher when in need of help, I'M IN NEED OF HELP!. haiz what to do anyways. piles and piles of h/w to get on with tonight, there should be a law against this much h/w all at once.

on a much happier note, dance practice went great today, we have the moves finalised i think, just needs polish and we're set. went to kiulap to practice at ying's studio, that place was great, way better than the school's dance room. after a session filled with effort and laughter (mostly from iman), went to S&S for a bit, where i got light-headed and we talked about childhood stories which included ditches and the loss of slippers hahaha.

nuff said for tonight, have to get back to diving in the pile of h/w waiting for me, blergh.

later days~

Coursework sucks

2008-03-09T06:55:00.000-07:00

woke up this morning with a half-smile on my face. only half. had a dream last night, i was standing alone on a rooftop of a skyscraper, it was cold and windy, so i'm bundled up in a hoodie. just staring at the scenery, the night stars, the city life under me. after much silence and thought to myself, i screamed. i screamed till my lungs nearly gave out. then she came. in a sweater of her own, she walked through the door. hands in her pocket, she walked towards me while i just looked. we stared into each other, then not saying anything, took in the scenery together. and then we screamed together. when we couldn't scream anymore, a song started playing. we looked at each other, wrapped our arms around each other and started dancing. the dance seemed endless. just us and night's beauty. when the song neared its finish, we stared into each other's eyes, leaned in closer... and then up comes the sunrise in the distance. and i had to wake up at that moment too RAWR. that's why the half smile, i liked most of the dream, just not the unfinished ending. this dream was probably caused and inspired by the song 'rooftop' by the lost prohets.

that would be the upside to my day so far. most of the rest of my day was spent pondering over the stupid piece of coursework i have to do for computing. i'm basically back to square one with this. waht i did in class over the course of a few weeks i learnt that i can't use, unless i change my project. it sucks knowing what to do, just not how to do it. so tomorow if the teacher doesn't help me learn how to do this with the proper programs, i'm screwed for computing basically. hopefully i'll manage this during this week, this and the evergrowing pile of work and revision that needs getting done.

bla bla bla. back to coursework and msn

later days~

First entry - some photos

2008-03-08T01:54:00.000-08:00

Hi, my name's ridhwan. i'm currently a student at JIS in Brunei, in my last year of schooling, only a few months left till my final exams. I'm known for being a photographer and a dancer. so as a first blog, here's some photos i took today.

enjoy~

more photos to come eventually..

later days. - first time blogger, rid